Clarity, before I start: I am not a Republican. I am anything but a Republican. If a Republican wins the 2012 election, I may move to Britain and become a hermit in the English countryside with 12 cats. All the same, if there was a Republican candidate who followed these incredibly intelligent campaign tips, I would be impressed. Some of my favorite excerpts:
- “You are not cooler than President Obama. No, you are not. No, seriously, you are not, not even you, Sarah Palin—no matter how many motorcycles you jump on in a sexy leather jacket. Obama is the cool kid; let him be the cool kid. You should instead take on the role of the smart candidate, the serious candidate, the one who isn’t concerned about how well you dance on Ellen. You should want to fix the economy and stop the bleeding that is going on in Washington. We are living in some of the most serious times this country has ever faced, and the next election can’t turn into a popularity contest. At the end of the day, even if you are cooler than Obama, the media will never let you be cooler. This isn’t a battle you can win.”
- “That means stop making confusing commercials. Don’t use Fred Davis, the man responsible for viral political commercials such as this one. The infamous political ads like Carly Fiorina’s “Demon Sheep” and Christine O’Donnell’s “I Am Not a Witch” are so confusing, it’s almost like they were paid for by Democrats. Stick to clear, concise messages. Do not use gimmicks. Gimmicks belong almost anyplace except a Republican presidential primary. You’re not trying to be cool, remember?”
- “You’ve got to do interviews outside of Fox News. This isn’t an option, you can’t become president talking only to Greta Van Susteren.”
- “This is the most important… forget the extreme right. You aren’t going to be their candidate anyway, Michele Bachmann is. Those people also wouldn’t vote for Obama if their life depended on it. Reach out to independents, women, and Republicans like me. The ones who struggle with feeling isolated in our own party. We will come out and support you with unbelievable enthusiasm if you don’t treat big-tent, socially liberal Republicans like us as a mutation in the original design. There isn’t anything wrong with Republicans like me, and trust me, there are a lot more of them out there than you realize, and some of them are just hitting voting age.”
As a side note, if you haven’t seen Carly Fiorina’s demon sheep commercial… Well, don’t let me deny you the joy: here it is.